IT Directors Forum 2015 – Carry On Cruising Part 2
All at sea for our 20th IT Directors Forum
In this concluding part of the high seas adventures of Astro’s 20th IT Directors Forum (13 for me and seven for Mr Hodges) we pick up on Friday morning which by comparison was reasonably uneventful. Thankfully we had a few meetings with existing customers so it was a good introduction to the last day. We did however, have a little excitement at lunch when one of the HR delegates – a young lady – sat at our table. It didn’t take long before she realised that she was sat with five people from the IT fraternity and made a rather hasty exit, obviously scared silly by talk of ones, zeroes, dot, dot slash, dot, com.
With all half hour meetings over it was time for another telling off. We were just settling down to a few drinks with the Richmond Events team before making our way to the last supper and our very good friend from Richmond Events appeared. I really don’t mind receiving a telling off when it is delivered by the Richmond Events team so I was quite relaxed awaiting to be served my punishment. Apparently ‘Astro’ is responsible for more delegates missing breakfast and their morning meetings than any other supplier. What our friend actually said was “you two” rather than ‘Astro’, but I believe it it only fair to say that we have have some mature and responsible colleagues back on dry land who really must take their share of the responsibility for allowing us out of the office without a grown up.
“…[they] really must take their share of the responsibility for allowing us out of the office without a grown up.”
Shortly after 5pm Arcadia set sail for Southampton. This was earlier than usual and many thought it may be due to the weather forecast but I heard someone say it was to align with the docking schedule at Southampton. Whatever the reason as soon as we left the ship started rolling from side to side. It was noticeable but not that bad. I was on board at a City IT event some years ago when a storm blew across the channel just as we were leaving Southampton. In fact, on the journey down there were bushes and small trees blowing across the M3 so there was quite a storm brewing before we left. The ship was rolling from side to side and bobbing up and down like a cork. The speed meetings on the 12th floor were very interesting as the effect of the rolling ship were so bad that suppliers and delegates were diving headlong into each other with their glasses of champagne. “EXCUSE ME! Do I know you that well?”
Later that evening and into the early hours of the morning of my historic voyage I really enjoyed watching people on the dance floor moving backwards and forwards across the floor like a tray of glass marbles as the ship lifted and dropped. Then at 4am when I had just got into bed (oh no, I’ve blown my cover! Mr Hodges was NOT with me on that cruise) the ship was hit by a fairly big wave and there was an almighty crash and the wardrobe doors flung open and all of my clothes jumped out on to the floor. I thought I was in a scene from The Pink Panther with Cato attacking me when I least expected it. Which actually isn’t dissimilar to Mr Hodges tripping over my bed on his way back from the little boys room!
“We had the great good fortune to have some very entertaining guests for dinner on Friday night.”
I digress! Getting back to ITDF2015, we had the great good fortune to have some very entertaining guests for dinner on Friday night. Friday night dinner can be very tough as most people have spent all of their energy over the past few days. But this was a very entertaining meal with lots of laughs – a great end to a gruelling but very enjoyable few days. When it came to the end of the meal we made our way to The Rising Sun (OK, yes we did spend some considerable time in this particular venue). As we left one of our guests noticed that we still had half a bottle of red wine on the table. Rather than waste it he grabbed the bottle and a glass and walked the length of the ship with it. Well it is a very long walk from the Meridian Restaurant to the Rising Sun and a man is likely to get thirsty on the way.
At 11pm the majority of the delegates and suppliers went to the night club to hear Brian Moore as he was now on the ship. The venue was grossly inadequate for the number of people cramming their way through the doors. It got to the point where crowds were building up outside so I gave it a miss and headed back to… yes, OK you knew anyway – The Rising Sun.
“If your mate sings another song on Karaoke I will take my tender back.”
I managed to get the Karaoke Captain to accept my ticket this time and sang a couple of songs but as I hadn’t sung for a while I was a little rusty. Someone came up to me after I sang Angels and said “That was a Phil Collins song wasn’t it?” I took my dented pride out of the bar and bumped into another ITDF friend who said “I didn’t know The Eagles sang Angels?” That made me think of the words of that Eagles classic (a song that another of our friends on the ship had already pleaded with me not to sing)…
So I called up the Karaoke Captain, he said. “Please don’t stand there and whine”
“We haven’t had a song murdered like this since, nineteen sixty-ni-i-ine”
And if that wasn’t enough to end my singing career that never was another one of our old friends from ITDF said to Hodge in my hearing range (which is very short range) “If your mate sings another song on Karaoke I will take my tender back.”
A man once said “if you fall off a horse get back on.” So, I went back to the Karaoke Captain and submitted another ticket. He looked horrified and fumbled around (I realise now he was trying to break the machine again) and then said in a panicky voice “Er, we only have 15 minutes left and we have at least 200 tickets in the system.” I knew there was a conspiracy to keep me from the microphone! I tried to engage the support of my friends from Richmond Events to extend the Karaoke time. I never did see the Karaoke Captain again but I think the splash and the ‘goodbye cruel world’ note were purely coincidental.
“…just as well as what would the croupiers do with another Aston Martin?”
And if I thought I was going through a bad patch in my not so vocal career, poor old Mr Hodges was losing in a spectacular way at the Blackjack table. He lost everything he won on the first night and much more. Just as well he didn’t need his dress shirt for another night as the croupier was no wearing it. There was one saving grace in that there was enough material in Mr Hodges shirt to make the croupier two shirts and pair of boxer shorts so it wasn’t all bad.
Finally the casino and bar closed, which was just as well as what would the croupiers do with another Aston Martin? With our options narrowing we headed off to the night club once again like moths attracted to light. By now it was 3.30 and Mr Hodges decided to order one more round of drinks for the last standing guests that were still with us. A simple task but it was made excruciatingly difficult by the fact that Mr Hodges Cruise Card wouldn’t work. No problem, as we have already established my Cruise Card was linked to Mr Hodges account so he grabbed my card. But, my card didn’t work either.
One of the bar staff promptly asked Mr Hodges to accompany her to a lower deck. We are all aware of ‘stranger danger’ but it appears to be a real problem on board Arcadia because I remembered distinctly from the emergency drill and safety talk that guests should not be tempted into areas of the ship even if invited by a crew member. So, you can imagine my concern when I saw the young lady disappearing with Mr Hodges in tow. Would I see Mr Hodges again I wondered? He did eventually come back with our newly adopted personal member of the bar staff and attempted to buy the round of drinks again. But no joy. The young lady said he would have to accompany her again to the bowels of the ship. By now Mr Hodges (not the most patient of people when there is something or someone standing between him and a drink), said to the young lady “You do not understand. I am not a patient man!”
“In true slapstick comedy style he gradually slid down the wall until he was lying along the floor…”
This time Mr Hodges had to go to the 2nd floor and then up to the 7th floor (to make sure the Cruise Cards opened our cabin door) and then back to the 5th floor to this time successfully buy a round of drinks – which by now was considerably less because half of our party had retired in the meantime, thinking this was some ruse to avoid buying a round. Anyone knowing Mr Hodges would know that just wouldn’t be the case. We eventually finished our drinks and retired at 0430 just as the sun was rising over the South coast. Another fantastic IT Directors Forum over.
If all that had gone before in this event was not enough. We arrived at the link span to disembark and while waiting for our clients to join us for our lift home, Mr Hodges just had to sit down with his back against the wall in the lift lobby. In true slapstick comedy style he gradually slid down the wall until he was lying along the floor using the wall as a pillow rather than a back rest. Perfect timing! One of our long standing ITDF friends arrived in the lift. The doors opened and our friend stepped out of the lift and over Mr Hodges as if it as the most natural thing in the world. Actually, thinking about it, …in the Astro world it is.
This would usually be the end of our drama on the high seas, but not this time. When our clients arrived and we assembled to leave, we said our goodbyes to the Richmond Events team (that takes a while due to the number of apologies and requests for forgiveness) and attempted to leave the ship in reverse Noah’s Ark order – two by two. Alas, only three of us were allowed to disembark because one of us had a problem with their Cruise Card. Yes, you guessed it – the mild mannered Mr Hodges.
To really rub salt into the wound a nice member of the ship’s crew asked Mr Hodges to accompany him down to the bowels of the ship yet again to resolve the issue. They did eventually let him off just before the ship set sail on a Baltic cruise. As you can imagine, it was not a smiling Mr Hodges walking towards the car for the long drive home.
“… a big THANK YOU for the Richmond Events staff for making IT Directors Forum 2015 another amazing experience.”
We would like to thank our existing clients and delegates for being such great company and making the 2015 IT Directors Forum a rewarding and fun event – our best ever. We would also like to thank our existing customers for giving us such excellent references whilst on board. And, last but not least a big THANK YOU for the Richmond Events staff for making IT Directors Forum 2015 another amazing experience.
Links
TGI Friday’s UK
The IT Directors Forum
P&O Cruises
Brian Moore