IT Directors Forum 2015 – Carry On Cruising Part 1

Astro going down a storm at our 20th IT Directors Forum

I always look forward to the IT Directors Forum. It is the best marketing event of the year in my opinion. It is more than just a marketing event for me, it is more like a club where I get to meet up with old friends. This ITDF was particularly special as it was our combined 20th IT Directors Forum as it was my 13th event and Mr Hodges 7th.

The event always requires a great deal of stamina as sleep is a rarity with an average of around seven hours total from Wednesday to Saturday for our team. I had serious doubts this year as to whether I would stay the course due to a challenging six months in my personal life. However, I was still looking forward to the event and was determined to enjoy it. We started our IT Directors Forum with lunch with a few customers in Southampton. A great way to start ITDF having lunch with a group of friends, although I’m not sure the young lady who was looking after us felt the same way as we all ordered burgers but each with a variation. With lunch over, we all headed off to the Mayflower Terminal, Gate 10 to board Arcadia.

“…sleep is a rarity with an average of around seven hours total from Wednesday to Saturday”

The first thing that struck me on arrival was the new check-in hall. In previous years we checked in through something that resembled a warehouse rather than the check-in lounge for a luxury liner. This is long over-due and it makes a massive difference to the check-in experience – well done P&O!

I am not sure who the bad influence is, I am still trying to work it out but, whenever Mr Hodges and I are together confusion or chaos reigns. As we were checking in Mr Hodges asked my check-in clerk if he could register my bar bills against his credit card. I thought that was a great idea and was immediately running up bar and shop bills in my head. I shared my excitement with the check-in clerk but it soon came to an end when Mr Hodges reminded me that it was a company credit card and I owned the company. Not so clever!

Having left the check-in staff in tears (hopefully through laughter although I suspect there was some pain too) we boarded Arcadia. We shared our cabin with the anchor right at the front of the ship. The anchor is usually dropped in the small hours of Thursday morning, so that was something we were really looking forward to. Unpacking usually takes about 30 seconds to enable us to get up to the suppliers reception – this time in the Crow’s Nest bar – as quickly as possible.

“The suppliers reception soon developed into an Astro family reunion…”

The suppliers reception soon developed into an Astro family reunion with a number of customers and long-standing ITDF friends dropping by. Our table was growing by the minute and soon we had a fair size congregation. We had once again launched Astro on full power into the IT Directors Forum.

Immediately after the suppliers reception we had to make our way to the safety briefing. I know I should not make a joke about this but after such a great reception, listening to the very serious and droll emergency drill talk is a bit of a come down to the point where you feel like jumping (sorry, I should say ‘stepping’) over the side.

Once everyone had tried on their life jackets and played with their accessories it was a quick change before heading into the opening address by Andrew Neil. Mr Neil was very entertaining, very funny with some very interesting political view-points.

“On arrival we were not happy with our post by the window and immediately moved it to the bar.”

With the opening address over we rushed up to the Crow’s Nest for the speed meetings. On arrival we were not happy with our post by the window and immediately moved it to the bar. Bad form apparently and we received our first light hearted telling off. But, I have to say I believe this is what is expected of us and it just wouldn’t be right for us to disappoint.

After dinner we headed off to the bar. While enjoying ourselves having a few beers with our dinner guests and some customers Mr Hodges received a tap on the shoulder from TGI Friday’s Head of IT. TGI Friday’s had a Sev 1 failure and although we had a team of capable people working on it back on dry land, Mr Hodges controlling instinct kicked in and he was soon on two simultaneous phone calls orchestrating the team – in his head at least!

While Mr Hodges was in exile we were all (including TGI Friday’s Head of IT) having a little chuckle at Mr Hodges’ expense. I could only imagine what was going through the mind’s of our team back home but I suspect they were all hoping we would lose mobile signal very soon.

“…we decided to walk around the ghost ship looking for someone to play with.”

With everything under control Mr Hodges headed for the casino. He was having some success when the croupier announced the last shoe. Mr Hodges left the Blackjack table with a big smile on his face and his shirt still on his back about £200 up. The only thing to do next was to celebrate. However, we looked around us and there was no one there. Everyone had vanished taking heed of the advice not to go large on the first night. Not to be deterred by the fact that the Rising Sun bar was empty we decided to walk around the ghost ship looking for someone to play with. But, we failed and had no alternative than to get an early night at 0330.

BANG! I looked at my watch and it was 0400. Mr Hodges was wandering around the cabin dazed. He had got up to go to the little boys room but he turned the wrong way and crashed into the patio doors because he saw the reflection of the passageway and tried to walk in to that. On leaving the little boys room he tripped over my bed and fell on me. The few hours of precious sleep we do get and we go and waste it. That is just so irresponsible.

One hour later and the anticipated anchor was dropped off the coast of Guernsey. We were so looking forward to it. I am sure they lower it in short bursts to make is as annoying as possible to pay us back for keeping the staff up so late. Only two hours after Mr Hodges collision with the door and we were getting ready for our breakfast meetings.

The sea looked very calm and the ship was steady in the water but we were told the sea was too rough for the tender to be launched. I was told that if you could see some white crests on the sea that was a good sign the sea was too rough for tender launch. I guess the health and safety laws must have changed considerably as it all looked very calm compared to previous events where the tenders were used regularly.

“He was promptly whisked away for interrogation and I am sure he had his ticket confiscated…”

It is our tradition at the IT Directors Forum to hold a little drinks reception in the Crow’s Nest for friends of Astro. Strictly speaking this is against the rules so we try to keep it low key. One of our lunch guests was walking past our meeting post in the Crow’s nest when one of our good friends from the Richmond Events team asked us if we wanted to join her for drinks that evening. Mr Hodges said we were already going to be having a drink and were unable to accept. Unfortunately for us our lunch guest said “Yes, look!” and held up one of our drinks reception tickets to our Richmond Events friend. He was promptly whisked away for interrogation and I am sure he had his ticket confiscated and may well have been keel hauled. We subsequently received our second telling off of the cruise.

Thursday night arrived fast. We were due to be attending a talk by rugby legend Brian Moore. But, due to the tender being confined to the ship he was still on Guernsey. The message got through to all but one person who was sat in the front row of The Paladium with a bottle of beer in each hand eagerly awaiting his hero.

Meanwhile in The Rising Sun the Karaoke was underway with many queueing to get their tickets in for the performance of their lives. I listened to a few before venturing up to submit my ticket. But, alas the machine decided to give up the ghost when I submitted my ticket. I suspect a conspiracy. I am sure the entertainments team were in contact with their counterparts on the Aurora and had their story prepared should I attempt to submit a ticket. While I was walking away with head bowed from the Karaoke bar Mr Hodges was doing his best to lose every last pound he had won and more on the Blackjack table and was being rather successful.

“…I felt really good when I had no right to feel anything other than very, very rough.”

At some stage during the evening someone let slip that I was born and raised in Peckham – Del Boy country. Several of my friends saw it as their duty to keep me supplied with Banana Daiquiris until the bar closed. By rights I should have been written off for the rest of the cruise but I ended up feeling guilty because I felt really good when I had no right to feel anything other than very, very rough.

The concluding part of this story will be posted within the next few days. Stay tuned, same time, same channel.

Links

TGI Friday’s UK
The IT Directors Forum
P&O Cruises
Brian Moore