IT Directors Forum Spring 2016 – Part 2

The IT Directors Forum – deck walk, death walk and the curse of Black Jack

It was an amazing place to be walking around the several open decks of the Arcadia and witnessing (as I referred to many times) the ‘sunset coming up over the Channel Islands’. But, please bear in mind I had only had two and half hours sleep from Wednesday morning up to then so my words were not as aligned as they could have been. I took lots of photos of the amazing sunset rising (could have been a great title for an Eagles song) and then at 6.30am thought it would be good to go and get some sleep.

And then it hit me like an express train! The realisation that I had to be up by 7am to shower before going to breakfast. Ouch! I arrived back at our cabin at around 0639 and got out of my dinner suit and went straight for the shower. I then woke Mr Hodges at 7am so he could prepare for the day. I could see Mr Hodges staring at my perfectly made bed. He was obviously struggling to believe what his eyes were presenting him. He croaked. “Have you just ironed your bed? How did you manage to sleep in it without putting a crease in it?”

“I knew it was a smoke screen to avert attention away from the fact that he had only had 87 minutes sleep but I was in no position to defend myself.”

I didn’t expect what came next. When Mr Hodges heard that I had been walking around the deck for the past hour or so he told me off! He told me I should be more in keeping with my age and in particular I should be setting a much better example to him! Where did that come from? I felt like I had just been told off by one of my grandsons.

The walk of shame to the restaurant was long and hard. Mr Hodges could not resist telling everyone we met. “He, hasn’t had any sleep. You would think a man of his age would know better. Set a better example to us younger generation.” I knew it was a smoke screen to avert attention away from the fact that he had only had 87 minutes sleep but I was in no position to defend myself.

“I realised there was something not quite right. Mr Hodges was about to sign the contract for a funeral plan. Mine.”

Our breakfast meeting was thankfully very relaxed with the head of IT from a large funeral company, so I had a chance to chill and let Mr Hodges do what he does best, entertain our guest. Around 33 minutes into breakfast I realised there was something not quite right. Mr Hodges was about to sign the contract for a funeral plan. Mine. What was even more of a concern for me was when he said he was expecting to need it later that morning. I realise I must have looked rough, but really?

I could have been spared this whole ordeal had their been a kebab boat alongside the Arcadia when I left The Globe night club. If anyone is interested in a little business venture, or should I say ‘business adventure on the high seas’ I could almost guarantee a kebab boat would be a flyer during the spring and autumn IT Directors Forums.

“…I was sat in the Crow’s Nest bar having a quiet beer before lunch when one of my Richmond Events ‘friends’ reported my bad behaviour to one of her colleagues sitting at the bar.”

By early Friday afternoon I was back on form (I had managed to grab 78 minutes sleep late morning). I was sat in a scheduled meeting with a delegate and Mr Hodges. The conversation had been totally between the delegate and Mr Hodges. About 13 minutes into the meeting the delegate turned to me with an expression that made me think he had only just realised I was there. “What do you do?” I guess I must have been so grey and lifeless I blended in with the furniture.

A couple of hours before this meeting I was sat in the Crow’s Nest bar having a quiet beer before lunch when one of my Richmond Events ‘friends’ reported my bad behaviour to one of her colleagues sitting at the bar. The young lady asked me how long it would take me to recover from the event. I told her I was sure I would be recovered by Sunday and here I am at 0.48am Monday writing this blog and feeling fine so not a bad estimate I suppose!

“I had never thought of Black Jack as a slow motion car crash but that was what I was struggling to erase from my mind.”

Mr Hodges cannot resist the draw of the casino. Having lost the entire contents of his bank account and most of his apparel in the same seat last year he was back with a vengeance. I noticed the croupiers were still sporting their Omega watches from last year and were obviously very pleased to see Mr Hodges at the Black Jack table in the early hours of Thursday morning.

Just before 3am I decided to drop by the Black Jack table to see how Mr Hodges was doing. I was surprised to see he still had his shirt on. He offered me a couple of chips and a lesson in the finer skills of playing Black Jack. I took my seat for the last ten minutes with my gifted chips. I thought there was an unwritten rule that when you gamble with someone else’s money you win. I found out fairly rapidly that this does not apply to money provided by Mr Hodges.

That will probably be my first and last attempt at playing Black Jack as ten minutes was ample time for me to lose my donated chips. I decided that it may be better to refuse any future Black Jack lessons from Mr Hodges. I had never thought of Black Jack as a slow motion car crash but that was what I was struggling to erase from my mind.

“As he disappeared into the casino to the sound of croupiers falling on the floor laughing and muttering. “The casino Jedi returns.” I knew it could only end one way.”

Around 2.03am on Friday Mr Hodges had an epiphany. Unfortunately he didn’t share it with anyone at the time otherwise we may have averted another ‘car crash’. As he disappeared into the casino to the sound of croupiers falling on the floor laughing and muttering. “The casino Jedi returns.” I knew it could only end one way. But even I wasn’t prepared for this.

His theory (as I found out far too late, after the casino closed and the croupiers were ordering their Lear Jets) was that if he could go into the casino with the same amount of money that he lost on the first two nights all he would have to do to reach a point of equilibrium is to double his stake and all would be at peace in his world. However, his tactics for winning were uncannily identical to his tactics for losing. Why is it everyone else can see the flaws in the plan in these situations except the main character in the scene? Mr Hodges emerged from the casino in what seemed like only minutes later with those final two words. “I lost.” And that’s all I’ve got to say about that!

Stay tuned for Part 3 in this epic return to the high seas.